Push With Toes, Pull With Fingers

(Nighttime Insanity)

I am disappointed,

I thought you were the one,

I didn’t think you would take,

My heart and simply run,

You’ve left me with nothing but memories,

The world looked the same today as I made my rounds,

But within these walls my loneliness abounds,

My thoughts are well beyond repair,

I sink deeper and deeper into despair,

And louder and louder my heart pounds,

There is motion but it is within me,

My head is spinning, wild and free,

Distraught is how I might describe myself,

Not that I am bad or crazy,

Worthless or weak, but human,

Trying to sort out life,

And sort out our strife,

 In a compressed span of time,

Your words painted me a picture,

A truly great work of art,

How you would love me forever,

Instead you broke my heart,

Your words I don’t want to keep,

I close my eyes and try to sleep,

 But my feet and legs twitch,

I try to picture a peaceful mountain far away,

But I am compelled to ascend,

Grabbing knobs and buttresses that rise into the sky,

I can’t do this, let another night go by,

Acrophobia, possibility of hypothermia,

Push with toes, pull with fingers, don’t slip,

I’m falling into a vast crevasse, I’ve lost my grip,

My eyes pop open, I reach for you,

Why don’t I go and search for someone, anyone would do,

 Just don’t be alone,

I imagine going out,

But I’m indecisive, there is doubt,

 If I found you, or if I didn’t,

I didn’t know which would be worse,

I lie down again, and I silently curse,

I’m weary and fall asleep,

But tension won’t let peace keep,

And I’m fighting for my sanity to save,

I’m in the yawning mouth of a cave,

The temperature drops and all is quiet and dark,

My reasoning is off its mark,

Time seems to have stopped,

My breathing is soft and measured,

Claustrophobia, possibility of hypothermia,

Push with toes, pull with fingers,

Wriggle your way forward,

Relax, exhale, you’re stuck,

 Stuck like a cork in a bottle,

I guess you’re out of luck,

But no, I rise to meet the dawning,

I’ll begin my life anew,

My life has lost its meaning,

There will never be another you.