Nuts in the Family Tree

Although the day was cold and crisp with cloudless skies,

I ordered a vanilla yogurt and then I sat,

The cashier looked at me with a question in her eyes,

“Would you like some nuts with that?”

She must have thought I was a normal guy,

She waited expectantly while I tried to decide,

“What are my choices?” I asked loud and clear,

She said, “Almonds, Brazil nuts, hazelnuts, walnuts, are but a few,”

I guess I didn’t have to shout with her standing near,

“Don’t forget pecans, macadamias, pine nuts and cashews,”

I started giggling and then my laughter turned into a roar,

I couldn’t choose one kind when there were nuts aplenty,

Soon I collapsed with laughter and tumbled to the floor,

“What’s wrong with him?” called one voice out of many,

“I don’t know,” I heard as I was thrown out the door,

How could I explain in a few words or less,

About my family tree and the research I’d done,

How all my late night work had increased my stress,

And even though I said I was having great fun,

There were certain problems I needed to address,

As I scrambled from branch to branch on my family tree,

Expected results were not always found,

Kings and Queens were shown to be unrelated to me,

 From the base I started up from the ground,

Until I got to the top of the chart where I could see,

The diverse branches of kin no one knew,

At first they proved to be beyond my reach,

But I would continue until I overturned a stone or two,

And discovered a rowdy pirate like Edward Teach,

Who sailed the seas where strong winds blew,

I hoped that only a few pirates would I find,

I could accept Pocahontas or Belle Starr, the bandit queen,

Or other nuts that hid between the lines,

Descending through generations almost unseen,

But too many nuts would drive me out of my mind,

Peaches and almonds are on the same family tree,

Closely related although only one is a nut,

That’s crazy and I’m not sure how it came to be,

But it’s a closed case and the door is shut,

It’s a question best left to biology,

I’ve heard the saying and know it’s true,

That a nut doesn’t fall far from the tree,

Think of all the troubles that would surely ensue,

If a few more nuts were related to me,

Because I think I might be related to you.