"I Don't Know Much About Women"

“I Don’t Know Much About Women”

Off to the west the sky roiled as lightning flashed,

I thought, “Looks like we’ve got a storm heading our way,”

I’d been out here on the range for weeks,

This job was over and I was ready to collect my pay,

“Lonesome Jim, I don’t understand women,”

I was down in a ravine but I heard the young man yell,

“They’re complicated and ask way too much,

What they want is confusing as hell,”

“Son, there are several things you’ll have to learn,”

Now I’m just a foreman and I don’t know much,

Especially when it comes to knowing women,

But I gave him some ideas, about pleasing them and such,

“First, Bill, you need to understand how you think,

Once you have a handle on that, you’re on your way,”

By then Bill had ridden up and looked me in the eye,

“Are you saying that women think different than a guy?”

The expression on his face said all I needed to know,

Bill believed men and women always thought the same,

“Son, men can only focus on one thing at a time,

He loses track of the world and even forgets his name,

But a woman is ready to do many tasks at a time,

While she builds family ties she’s a planner and a baker,

She’s got a lot more strengths than he does,

She’s a caregiver while he’s a taker,”

Bill was disturbed by this, perhaps a trifle mad,

“Are you saying that women are better than men?

Whose side are you on?” he snarled derisively,

I knew right then I had entered a tiger’s den,

“Tell me, Bill, what makes you want to cry?

You hide your feelings because you’re a guy,

But women could explain forever and a day,

How feelings are important and a thousand reasons why,”

She’ll take you through the day and every mood swing,

You’ll want your ideas organized and each idea filed in place,

She’ll want to share her day and tell you everything,

You’ll want the bottom line, and you’ll cut through the chase,

If you listen to her she’ll believe she’s loved,

And always look straight into her eyes,

If you look away like you’re talking to a man,

She’ll interpret what you say as lies,”

“Lonesome Jim, if you’re so smart to give me advice,

How come you’re always out here, alone on the range?”

He thought he had me cornered because I hesitated a bit,

I said, “I think your question is valid, and not at all strange,

When I was your age I acted like a fool,

I thought love was a feeling I could turn off and on,

I never understood that love should be active,

I was miserable until one day it dawned,

Life was not meant to always be understood,

I should have learned that as a boy,

I realized I didn’t need to understand a woman,

So I relaxed and began to enjoy,

A woman might be complex but she’s good as gold,

 If you don’t try to control her or live in a cave,

Remember to love her forever, to have and to hold,

She should not be your boss and she’s not your slave,”

Bill was quiet for a moment as he took this all in,

He could tell by my face there had been hurt and pain,

Quietly he asked, “Did she die or did she leave you?”

But my answer was smothered by the onrushing rain,

Bill left that job for another one in town,

And I’m still working on the ranch, come what may,

I hope Bill found a good woman to love,

And I’ll save my philosophizing for another day,

I shouldn’t have been shooting my big mouth off,

And making myself to be wise and grand,

How could I give answers about women to Bill,

When it’s clear there are things I still don’t understand.