Give Me Time To Earn My Wings

Are you the angel I talk to at night?

You’re right at my side when I turn out the light,

I encourage you to listen but I ignore what you say,

And yet you’re expected to guide me the “right” way,

I should be quiet for awhile and listen to you,

But I’m only human, so what else can I do?

I should be wiser and hold your words dear,

Because you speak the truth, I should have nothing to fear,

When you leave for a moment even in the night,

My heart watches for you, and keeps you in sight,

Are you the angel that hovers during the day?

Fanning me with your wings, keeping the heat away,

You’re playful as you flit and twirl around,

While I can only imagine my feet off the ground,

You’re forgiving when my words hurt deep,

 I don’t really want to give you reasons to weep,

But you’re one of the angels assigned to me,

Shielding me from demons protectively,

They’re always close by, urging me to run,

“Escape from your angel and have some fun,”

“Freely enjoying without someone holding you back,”

“You don’t have to stay on that one way track,”

The demons forget I’ve walked on that side,

I’ve scars and bruises all over my pride,

I eluded my angels while demons preened my vanity,

But like a prodigal son I returned to my sanity,

Worse for the wear, out of the muck and grime,

I stay closer to my angels, so much wiser this time,

I don’t always listen to those angelic voices,

And I blame only myself for unwise choices,

My angels guide me to those in need across the land,

And show me ways my heart can expand,

Are you one of those angels who’s constantly sharing,

And teaching me ways I can still be caring?

Whether an angel extraordinaire and wise,

Or still earning your wings while in human guise,

You’ve been patiently waiting while wisdom I acquire,

Becoming steel at last, hardened by the fire,

So if you’re my personal angel, or one of a troop,

Make way, I’m trying, to become one of your group,

For I like angels, butterflies, and fluttery things,

Just give me time to earn my wings.

I'm Not Fooled By You

You stand there with that smug smile,

And pretend you are listening,

But I’m not fooled by you,

You are simply waiting for me to finish,

So you can say what you rehearsed,

Before I asked you to discuss us.

Don’t think I’m fooled by you,

For I’ve seen you a thousand times,

Giving out messages without listening,

Never appreciating our differences,

Always sure you had the right answers,

Ignoring tone of voice, gestures, and words,

Yes, words that poured out from my heart,

I’m not fooled by you,

You think by being logical and advising,

That you are in control of our relationship,

But feelings don’t have to be logical or reasonable,

You tell me what you want me to hear or to know,

But when you hide the truth, or deny my feelings,

The beautiful ways we could relate come to a halt,

Perhaps you’re fooled by me,

If I gave you the impression you could trash me,

Put me down because you thought I was weak,

Maybe you didn’t like my confidence,

Because you were weak inside and attacked,

Afraid I’d find out that you were pretending to be strong,

Perhaps you were fooled by me,

I already knew you had to lean on my strength,

But that was okay, for I also leaned on you,

We have been wasting energy trying to discuss,

Where the you and me should become us,

I know that pain is necessary to grow,

But I am so tired of hearing your answers,

When you haven’t heard my questions,

Perhaps you thought I was fooled by you,

You were sure I would fit your mold,

You were so calm and so in control,

But you did not try to accept who I am,

I wanted us to share so much,

But my feelings are still bottled up,

And I think I might explode,

Don’t be surprised if I ignore you,

When I see you my heart bleeds,

But no longer will I heed,

My heart was fooled for awhile,

But you can’t beguile,

With your smile,

Anymore.