Your love account is overdrawn and all privileges have been withdrawn. You have six days to bring your account to a positive balance in order to remain in good standing. We do appreciate your business but please understand that future attempts at love will be rebuffed and returned. If you have any questions or want to share your views, please contact us quickly.
The love gurus,
Venus, Cupid, Eros
Dear Love Gurus:
I tried to explain that my love life,
Had been filled with failures and strife,
After several relationships were done,
I thought, “I’m not having fun,”
Struggling with my own misconceptions and love wary,
I decided to write a book titled, “Love is Scary”,
Who better than me to write about what could go wrong,
Accepted and rejected, and suffering for so long,
I knew how to build walls around my hardened heart,
Allowing no place for new love to ever start,
My book would have many chapters to write,
So don’t expect me to finish it in just one night,
But if I ever open another account to share,
Please be advised I’d have love to spare.
I received another letter today, and it’s plain to see that things might go my way. This time I’ll pay attention to things that matter, because I don’t want another love to shatter.
We understand your recent relationship has gone sour,
But we’re prepared to make an offer this very hour.
If your old love is still in good condition,
And you’d like to upgrade to a current edition,
We have just received trade-ins we selected,
They’ve hardly been loved, perhaps all have been neglected,
All with very low mileage and require little maintenance,
To get back into the game, this is your chance,
With a fresh coat of paint and new trim,
She’ll be revitalized, also sleek and slim,
These models are spotless, so much cleaner,
They’ll all be parked where the grass is greener,
Now as for you, in order to get your price,
You’ll have to do some of your own sacrifice,
Work out and get yourself in shipshape form,
Bring yourself up to the loving norm,
Treat her well, better than a friend,
Because if you don’t, she’ll trade you in.
The Love Gurus,
Venus, Cupid, Eros
Their last letter gave me reason to ponder, perhaps I could learn to be so much fonder, if I turned my heart loose and let it fly free, love might choose to stay with me. It’s merely a thought, a dream or a hope, but it’s a chance for love to thrive and cope.